One of the biggest communication mistakes consistently made by candidates for office at all levels is in crafting messages that are about themselves (or their organizations) rather than about their voters/donors.
“I did this.” “I did that.” “I believe this.” “I believe that.”
I once received a fundraising letter ghost-written for U.S. Sen. Rand Paul on behalf of the Leadership Institute.
Now don’t get me wrong…I’m a huge supporter of both. But the opening of this letter is a classic example of an “I” letter…
Dear Mr. Muth,
I’m a doctor, not a politician.
I had spent my entire adult life diagnosing patients’ problems and helping them recover.
In my spare time, I enjoyed coaching baseball, soccer, and basketball teams for each of my three sons.
But I couldn’t just stand on the sidelines and watch while we lost our country. So I ran for the United States Senate in 2010, and I’m proud to represent Kentucky there today.
The political elites in both parties opposed me, and the “experts” didn’t give me much of a chance.
And it went on and on from there.
Now, do my red pen/blue pen test on those first five paragraphs: Circle in red every time you see the words “I,” “me” or “my.” Now circle in blue every time you see the words “you” or “your.”
The rule of thumb is that if you’re seeing a lot more red than blue, you need to rewrite.
Also, your headline and opening paragraphs should be about the voter or the donor in order to capture their interest and pull them into the letter. If you don’t grab them immediately, you’ll probably lose them…and they’ll never read your full message.
A better opening would have been something along the lines of: “If you’re like me, you’re worried about…”
Then describe the problem. Then explain why your opponent is the source of or part of the problem. Then describe the solution. Then ask for action…either a request for the recipient’s vote or a donation.
Make it about THEM. Make it about what THEY get by supporting you.
To get there, quite often all it takes is a little re-write in which you change the focus from “I” to “you.” Do it…and you’ll see support for your cause or campaign increase dramatically.
And isn’t that what YOU want?