Fundraising consultant Joe Garecht put out a sharp piece not too long ago on the sentences that quietly kill nonprofit appeal letters.
I read it and thought, campaigns make these exact same mistakes. So let’s fix them.
“As you may know, our campaign has been fighting for conservative values since…”
Nobody cares about your founding date. Cut it. Open with a voter’s story or the crisis on the ballot instead. Give them a reason to keep reading, not a history lesson.
“We couldn’t do this without supporters like you.”
Everybody’s heard this a thousand times. It bounces right off. Get specific instead. “Supporters like you helped us knock on 4,000 doors last month” actually means something.
“We are writing to ask for your continued support.”
This tips your hand too early. The second a donor sees this, they know what’s coming and they stop feeling anything. Build the case first. Let the ask land after they understand why it matters right now.
“Any amount helps.”
This kills urgency dead. Telling a donor any amount is fine tells them the amount doesn’t matter. Give them a number instead. “$35 covers yard signs for one precinct” beats “any amount helps” every time.
“Thank you in advance for your generous contribution.”
Don’t thank somebody before they’ve given. It sounds like you’re already closing the letter, so they stop reading. End with a real ask instead. Tell them exactly what to do next.
Here’s the bigger point. Every sentence in your letter either pulls the donor closer to writing a check or gives them a reason to set it down. There’s no neutral ground.
The takeaway: Read your next fundraising letter out loud. If a sentence doesn’t earn its spot, cut it. Every word should be working for the win.
Dr. Chuck Muth, PsD
Professor of Psephology*
(homeschooled)
* Psephology (see-follow-gee): The study of campaigns and elections